Short Story: Searching for Treasure
I remember packing. I swore it was the final time. All my doubts, fears and heartaches were in those boxes. I'd moved more than a dozen times since I was twenty. I packed my last regret and headed for the car. I hadn't even looked back. There had been nothing there that pulled me to turn and even take one more glance. I felt as empty as a creek that had run dry over time.
Life can be exhausting. What are the rules? Who can play? Where are the answers? Who's kidding whom? Who's plastic and who's real? The word stress doesn't even sound positive. How many rats are in the race? I have difficulty finding my keys. How was I to locate sanity in all of life's clutter? Heaps of emotions are scattered from one end of the country to the other. I'd left a trail.
I realized I was making myself sick. Time heals all wounds. Solitude brings clarity. How ill did I have to become to see the light? Where was the light anyway? Was there a light, or was that another of life's jokes on us poor mortals?
How harsh could I be with myself? How much could I beat myself up and how far could I fall? How much is too much? Where was the line? Who was allowed to cross it? Was life lousy or was I lousy at living it? How long could I wallow in my own misgivings and failures? How much self-pity is enough? Can you pump up ego by shooting it full of air like a flat tire? What's the difference between anger and total frustration? Both can make you explode. Can your head ache so much that it does split and is that the meaning of splitting headache? How much "mis" can there be in misery? Is a square peg in a round hole simply misunderstood? What is a perfect fit?
I started the car and headed in the direction of one last hope. I let the road take me, while the radio rocked me over the bumps as well as the slick surfaces. Music doesn't care who you are or where you're going. I headed for the future and left the past behind. I drove day and night, through rain, shine and blowing wind. Where is the yellow brick road? I'm over fifty now. Could an old dog really learn new tricks? It was as if I was seeing the earth for the first time. I'd been standing in line my entire life, and now it was my turn to step up to the plate.
The house was an empty shell, but it welcomed me with a kind of silence. There was an energy here that I needed desperately. It could be felt, not defined. I could only hope that I could learn how to tap into the invisible force I was feeling. This is where my search would begin. I moved everything my life had collected into the house, yet only unpacked the books. Oh, don't worry, I tend to exaggerate, I had a few essentials within easy reach. Toothbrush anyone?
I'd lie on the floor, or sit on the porch, or under a tree, but I spent every day reading. I became a sponge, soaking up thoughts, ideas and theories. I took what I wanted from each selection. I studied, practiced and grew. When I finished devouring the concepts of one, I'd pick up the next book and then the next. The path of books stretched out to include self-help, Buddha, Zen, and I Ching in a yummy variety. Eager for the patient to heal herself I read books on Reiki, alternative medicine and herbal remedies. I studied Gestalt therapy, creative visualization and meditation. I discovered "The Web That Has No Weaver". The books were teaching me and I was eager to learn.
I incorporated Native American wisdom into the mix. I took hands full of dirt and smelled the passing of time. I'd take naps by the river and let its music sooth me into the best sleep I'd had in years. Nature will cradle you. You've only got to make yourself available. I listened to life. It was all around me and whispered in my ear. The birds, crickets, bees buzzing, and even the coyote's howl were all telling me something. I'd been deaf for so many years. I'd forgotten to listen. My eyes also saw with new vision. Things I hadn't even paid attention to since I was a child were like new miracles to me now. My perspective was changing from negative to positive.
I incorporated what I was learning into my daily life. I hope that I'll never let go of the kite string. Many seem to have lost their way. It's not up to me to show them. Each must find a path of our own. It's a personal thing, different for each one of us.
This is my classroom. Life's full of learning lessons. I wonder how many people are playing hooky.
The past is just that. I don't want to live there. The future is nice to think about. Living in this moment is truly the best spot to reside. What a waste if we don't really enjoy it. After all, nothing is forever. I may be gone after this moment is up, so I want to savor it.
Fear and anger suck you dry. Enough of it will suck the life out of our planet. My countless moving was my way of trying to find a better place and attain happiness. I now realize that I was looking in the wrong places. I was always searching outside, thinking I'd find utopia over the next hill or the next, or the next. I thought the key was picking the right location. When I located the center of my being, I'd found the true treasure. It's been there all this time, just waiting for me to discover it. The true wealth of life has been stored within me and once I found it, I found the happiness I'd been searching for. And, I think others know their treasure is buried there too. They just think they can't take the time required to excavate.
published on 11/18/04
